Tick tock.

I cant hold him back. Regardless of how I feel, regardless of how badly I want him to stop, he just kept on moving. He doesnt hear my contemplation, my plead is of no use. He listens to no one. He will still go on even if I cease to breathe. Arrogant, stubborn, impatient, he does not care for me but there will be no world without him. He is everywhere. His voice haunts me whenever silence is present. It is a voice that has no end. Repetition of words with no significance but somehow soothing, somehow the little words that brings sanity. I thought knew him and could control him but thats an illusion I was made to believe. He is the lord of the universe. He is day and night. His existence is beyond my understanding. He will never tell me how he feels, he can never share his thoughts. There’s too little of him most of the time, but sometimes, I have wished there’s less. He is more often wrong than right but I still want more of him. Sometimes he fixes everything up but then he messes things as often. He hurts from time to time but he is still what i’ll count on to make me heal from the pain. So difficult to have a little more but so easy to lose all of him. I dont want to let my life revolve around him but all of me simply does. I have no idea how to make him stop. I dont know how to hold him back. It seems like nothing I can say or do that can earn him back. Should I move on at my pace and just let him pass me by or should I stop and wait for a while in hopes he will stop running, turn back and find me standing by? Or should I start running and try to catch up with him? Is it right that I keep my faith in him? Can I choose my moment? What if that moment has past? Tick tock as I stare at the same four walls.