How To Cheat In Exams: Tips & Tricks

Exams. A seemingly uphill task for most university/college students. Students nowadays have to deal with exams while being in the midst of juggling other daily activities such as playing Warcraft or CounterStrike in cyber cafes, daily football matches, futsal games, trips to the snooker centre, drinking sessions and also the occasional bouts of getting high on some shit that you shouldn’t be legally taking. Aaaaahh.. I remember my days of havoc very clearly. Exams were the bane of my life back then. Four months of leisure will be followed by a hectic 1 week study break and 2 weeks of gruelling exams scheduled in the most evil ways imaginable.

It is perfectly understandable if students would want to cheat on exams. Who the hell has the brain power to learn up whatever you’re supposed to have learnt in class within a week? With all that alcohol in ur blood, you’re never gonna make it. I’ve known people who go to great lengths to make these cheating acts look legitimate. Their methods usually escape the eagle eyes of the invigilator. Especially if the invigilator is an asshole. Thus, I have decided to help those who need it with several tips and tricks on cheating in exams.

The most popular method is to slip a small piece of paper in ur pockets to unravel them while you are actually writing the exam. This poses a risk of being dicovered while on the act of actually taking the paper slip out. To avoid this, you may keep them in ur pants pockets or inside your shoe(s) and take a small trip to the washroom. While inside the washroom, you may slowly take the paper out and commit the notes to memory. This will only work for people who can commit stuff to memory for at least 5 minutes after they exit the washroom. People with the memory span of a fruitfly have to use other methods.

In the case that you want to dispose the slip of paper taken in, don’t throw them in the waste basket. I knew a lecturer who used to empty all the waste paper baskets before exams, so that he can find out if anyone threw anything incriminating evidence. The best method is to flush the paper in the toilet, or throwing it out of the washroom window. Else, if you absolutely must hold on to them, hide them INSIDE your pants or shoes. You’ll never know when the invigilators will ask you to empty your pockets.

I also knew a Sikh friend who used to hide his notes inside his turban. He folds in neatly a very small size and slits it in between the folds. I assure you that this is NOT an insult to any Sikhs. This guy had an explanation to his method. He told me that he is using the Sikh culture to “help” him pass exams. Talk about promoting your culture.

Another ingenious plan I once saw was the preferred technique of a friend of mine, Mr. Jason Bell (*names have been changed to protect their identity). Mr.Bell uses the standard scientific calculator recommended by mathematicians, the Casio FX-570ms (or something similar to it). He carefully and lightly writes up formulas of equations on the back of the calculator with a pencil. The writing is very hard to spot by many, as it is only visible at a certain angle of light and also has a viewing range of less that 12 inches. It can aslo be rubbed of easily after usage with a sweaty palm or a pencil eraser. This method is only recommended for formulas as there is a significant lack of space to write.

Another method my friend, Mr.Shank used in Form 5 was either absolute genius, or desperation. Since the History paper was bound to be tough and we were already at our wits end trying to figure out the best way to memorize the facts, Shank planned something very, errrmmm, tedious. He had some spare examination writing papers from yesterday’s paper, and he started writing out notes on the top piece of paper. His objective: to write on the paper hard enough that the impression would be etched on the paper directly below it. This method will only work if the paper you use is the exact same copy as the ones being handed out.

Another tip is that you should NEVER write out notes on your palm, upper arm, penis, etc… Writing on you palm will fade away due to the dampness, or it will at least be smudged. Looking at your arm frequently to see the notes will arouse suspicion, and it is simply too painful to write on your penis.

One more method exists, but this is strictly for examinations where you AND your classmates are BOUND to fail. These examinations require A LOT of notes for cheating, and it simply isn’t feasible to write out so many. The only method available is to “borrow” a copy of the examination questions. This method requires a coordinated effort of many talents to pry out the information from the clutches of the lecturer, and it also requires lengthy planning. The events should be set in motion at least a month before the exam period begins. There are two variations to this method:

• First variation is the easiest, yet still tough. It requires a break-in to the examinations division OR the lecturer’s office/cubicle and a knowledge on how to bypass the Windows XP login screen. Most of the time, practitioners of this method usually know the password beforehand, unless you have someone in your team who knows about backdoors to the Windows desktop. If this hardest part of the mission is accomplished, then it is simply a matter of locating the proper files. Unless it has been deleted. Then you’d be just wasting your time.

• The second variation is a more complicated one. It needs several variables to come into play, and can only be executed when all the conditions are met. Nowadays, almost everyone uses a flash/thumb drive to carry around a copy of their digital files. There is a high amount of possibility that the questions are saved in the lecturer’s/teacher’s flash drive, and it is imperative to obtain this as soon as possible. Start by a simple recon or scouting mission by sending out members of your team to visit the lecturer in his/her free time. Chances are you will bump into him typing out the questions or readying the draft of the questions. If you see a flash drive plugged in, then it is confirmed that the information seeked is in there. All you need to do then is to attack the lecturer in a constant wave or barrage of questions, with at least 4 members surrounding him in his cubicle asking for some tutoring. Make sure the pendrive is easily accessible to you, but not to the lecturer. If possible, move him away from the area. All the while you must have a grease man waiting outside the cubicle with a laptop. As soon as you are able to, snick the flash drive and run over to your grease man and copy the whole content. Then you gotta return the drive to the original place without arousing suspicion. All this should be done within 3-5 minutes. There is also something called luck involved. The ramifications of being caught is severe, but the prospect of not failing an exam is even better. Just make sure no one answers all the questions correct.