If We Went To War

Sorry for not updating for a while… I just returned from my long deserved holiday with my frenz. But still, I DO have some material to be posted. Well, today I decided to uncover the possible stuff that might happen to me and my friends if we went to war. Yes, WAR. Bloody, violent, unadulterated full blown war. And it would suffice to say that I had this crazy thought after watching the movie 300 for the possible 5th or 6th time.

Me and two other guys were discussing on what would we do if we were involved in such a large scale war. Just like in 300. The only difference would be that we were living in the 21st century. We would also not be having sculpted abdomens like Gerard Butler or David Wenham. And we would also not be wearing loincloths to protect our modesty.

Just imagine, in the near future, that somewhere out there, was a country that lusted after greatness and riches, but fell too short of its own expectations that it decided to invade our dear ol’ Bolehland. Imagine all of us being drafted into the army regiment. The rest of the world is too busy with the economic crash and warmongering of nations. The whole world is in turmoil. Every nation attacks every other nation. Or defend the attacks of other nations. You get the idea, don’t you? Utter fucking CHAOS rules planet earth.

That’s where me and a bunch of my friends get together, enlist in the army and stand to defend our ground, though we don’t fully comprehend WHY IN FUCK’S SAKE would that other country invade us. We would be holding a stronghold in Sungai Petani (sad, isn’t it?) where our commander, Sergeant Titanium Balls is the most decorated hero in our company. In our bastion one eerie night, we would be preparing our battle plans. The following is the possible conversation among the men. Please note that names have been changed.

Shorty: When I was in the 4th Ranger Company of Buttfuckers, we used a technique called Operation Dikkilona to defeat the enemy.

Whitey: Macha, why don’t we…

Sherawat: No one wants to listen to you.

Shorty: Aiyo…. Guys, concentrate la…

Mat Sg. Buloh: Hi guys…

Black: huh? Omigod.. pinch me… I tot Mat Sg. Buloh will be trying to woo chicks from the enemy camp. How come you are here?

The Don: Guys, don’t fuck around…

Bear: Ok, hear out my plan.

Me (the IT guy): Maybe we can reprogram their database and screw their battle plans and disable their infantry.

(*** Everyone doesn’t pay attention to the IT guy)

Me: Why do I even bother?

Sherawat: Hey, late aledi la… I didnt eat since breakfast… Come go eat…

Bear: Lemmer have a fag first…

The Uncle: Everyone, listen to me. We shall just ambush them head on. That is a great plan.

Shorty: Why don’t we send Jason-Bell and The Don over to the enemy’s camp with some bottles of liquor and ask them to have a drinking showdown with the enemy. Those guys will surely win any drinking contest. Then we can shoot the enemy easily in the morning while they are having their hangovers.

Hanging-Ass Man: Send me in too…

Everyone: AGREED!

Sherawat: Let’s go eat.

Me: No one listens to me………… Ever…