Stupid TMNut Screamyx Excuses

We’ve all made our frustrating calls to that stupid TMNut Screamyx hotline and contemplated suicide. I’ve got this compilation from somewhere in the internet and it so damn fucking funny (and fucking true). Enjoy!

• “We will assign a contracter to your place to look into the matter by tomorrow(in fact a week).”
• (if u r using external ADSL modem)”Is the light of the ADSL light blinking of off??”
• “Windows XP firewall make your slow koneksion”
• “What is the error code shown? If u using router, please try manual konek and call us again.”
• “Please turn your modem upside down and try again”
• “Please unplug your network cable and turn it around and plug it back in” (Witchcraft lah, just stand up and turn around 3 times, your internet will be aaalrite!)
• “What version of Windows are you using?” (If it ain’t WinXP, fuxx you, we do not support Mac, Win2k or Linux)
• “Please unplug your microfilter and plug the modem wire directly into the wall socket” (I can hear the pages flipping, she’s either reading Kosmo! or from a frickin’ manual, which I can also do, and Fuxx You very much, I already tried, my microfilter is brand new)
• “You must plug your SATA modem to the IDE floppy disk and put your USB monitor to the 2-socket plug. Then only can you turn on the 30-Amp power to your Acer.
• “I tak tahu…” / “Saya don’t know…”
• ” “Currently, we have no service distruption in malaysia”<— a good reply when international cable breakdown. Stupid Customer service dont even know.
• ” Nonit talk so much la….. Let me make report for u. U take the report number and keep quiet… Wait for technician to come( if he remembers).. Bye…. tooo..tooo..
• ” Now restart your comp….
• ” Uninstall and then reinstall the network driver. That didn’t work for you? What you don’t have your original disks? No problem, use this web site… what do you mean you have no Internet without the driver? Are you trying to question me?”
• “Please reinstall your modem”(driver)
• ” I am sorry, our support does not cover that. Try calling the company that made your computer or Microsoft. (I have no idea what you are talking about and my script does not cover these sorts of things. Rather than tell you I have no talent, I am instead telling you to go somewhere else and passing the buck to them. Yet I know they also have help desks in Malaysia so I am phoning them ahead to warn them about you. You are so fucked.)
• “Talk talk talk… Please wait while all our staffs are engaged on line…(Stupid tmnut song plays… played over and over hundred of times.. then, line disconnected” - This happened when all the staffs went to minum kopi, lepak, talk cock …etc watever and refused to answer the phone because they know they can’t do anything other than saying “Please wait while our technical workers are currently fixing the problemss”
• “Huh ?”
• “Cannot… cannot” -TMNuT customer service on speaking to your supervisor
• “Tomorrow you come lah… to tmnut center” -TMNuT customer service typical panics
• An official reply via email from their customer service: “Send email with details can ? We no receive your email at all.” Same email recycle until customers give up.
• “Suh… you made no payments” -on the bill you payed 3 months ago, now they’re threating to block your connection
• “Oh unplug your cable lah, then you squeeze squeeze should be ok adiiiiii!!!”
• “Slow? I think you should upgrade to Slowmyx 1 Meg. How much you are paying now? Just add little bit only ma.”
• “Unplug your telephone line, rub it towards your breast, let the telephone line gets high, then plug back in ur asshole. I’m 100% u can use ur internet to see BOGEL INTERNET.”
• First time calling: “We need three working days to solve this problem.” Call after three days: “We need three working days to solve this problem.” and continue the process.
• Huh????Our connection is the fastest among the Asia…u still wan to complain…..our 1kbps speed is faster than a Peroton Kotak.

sourced from Uncyclopedia