Job Application Hints

for those of u who are working, u’d probably remember those days wen u just had graduated and were on the streets running around job hunting…. frens and relatives who were aledi working at that point may have given u advice like “any job wud do… don be choosy”.

well, sumtimes, u gotta know about the different job types that are present in common workplace… u might wanna be, well, “prepared” in any case that sum of u might apply for this job, in the most case wer the job market is flooded wit graduates of the same qualification as urs…

so, since i’ve had quite sum XP in different job types during after PMR, SPM and long holidays from the uni, i wud like to let u know bout the real world.

firstly, medical students, u do not qualify for these tips, as after u complete ur studies, u’s be sent off to sum place u dont wanna go and see sum ppl u dont wanna see and treat sum disease u dont wanna treat, then go do sum specialization, and finish up paying ur loans at 40, then start living ur life wealthily at the age of 50.

so, on wit the Job Descriptions:

• Receptionist:

Ur 1st task is to learn how to operate all those buttons on the telephone. These fones look like a mini computer and learning how to use them wud be a big challenge, especially wen ur a guy, and the lady teaching u how to use it has large boobs wit a low-cut blouse. So, stay outta this job if ur a guy. Girls have better a tendency to remember all those complicated button functions. The only buttons guys work well with are the remote controller button.

• Tech Support:

This job was created by Satan. U’d be answering calls bout questions ranging from “how do i change the desktop background” to “how can i modify my FTP server configurations”. All in all, these problems can be solved if the caller is slightly computer literate and able to read all those fucking instructions on the fucking manual. Only take this job if u have a lot of patience. Or if u worship Satan.

• Secretary:

This is only for girls. They are much better genetically programmed to remember stuff and type letters. Guys wud just make a big mess of evrythg and get fired the next day. And also, girls make great tasting coffee and tea. Guys make it taste like piss water.

• Office Assistant

The OA does misc jobs around the office. Delivering the newspaper in the mrng, setting up the projector before the meeting, getting lunch. That sux. U basically go get lunch. For a bunch a lazy assholes. And sum assholes 4 get to even pay u.

• Data Entry Clerk

This job is famous among SPM leavers. U get to sit on ur ass all day, doing nothing but typing data into the system. This job is mindless and boring. Not to mention repetitive. At 1st, u’d be a little slow. As time goes on, u can keep on typing and pressing the tab key the correct number of times to get to the correct field, and at the same time dream about making love to the hot boss’ secretary or how ur gonna torture ur neighbours cat. This usually lasts for a few hrs a day, before u find urslf staring at one part of the screen for an hour… To avoid this, try taking 5 minute breaks 5-10 times each HOUR.

• Programmer:

U just go to work, keep on typing codes that seem like Greek to the layman’s eyes. U create a whole working system by urslf, and sum dumb guy from someplace comes in and says “I’m the Regional Advisor for bla bla bla.. You need to use bla bla bla bla”, and u’d be left wondering at the relevance of his words to ur work. U’d also be trying to debug some errors wic wudn’t have surfaced if the Regional Advisor didnt find the urge to show that he knows programming better than you, but simply ends up crashing the system coz he is stupid. Then the Regional Advisor vanishes into thin air.