When NOT To Say SORRY To Save Your Ass

Wow! The word SORRY can really save your ass. Especially if you’re a big ass politician. Yep. The badonkadonk that actually didn’t pay up the customs duty for his vehicle actually said “Oops, I forgot. Sorry. I will pay up.” And these dumbshits who are in uniform also fucking accepted his apology and apparent forgetfulness. So, here I am trying to educate my readers on when NOT to use the word sorry.

just like captain vijayakanth mentioned in one of the most outrageously stupid tamil movies in history: “Mannippu. Tamil-le enakku pudikkaathe varthe” (translation: “‘Sorry’. The word that i despise the most in tamil”)..

well, i think he had his own justifications in uttering those ever famous words which is forever etched into out minds (sadly). The word “sorry” has been used almost as often as toilet paper. Its usage has multiplied faster than field mice.

let’s have a view of ourselves in the mirror. How many time have we uttered that five-letter menace? undoubtedly, no one keeps count. We say “sorry” in any situation, be it life-threatening or simply to make other ppl feel good (or bad, depending on ur views of other ppl).

lets just look at the different situations and determine whether “sorry” is an applicable term or not:

1) u accidentally brushed against some woman’s boobs in a crowded mall
- if ur a male, just walk away. Even if u stop to say “sorry”, she’d think ur a pervert. A pepper spray might follow. Temporary blindness may occur. “Sorry” is bad in this case.

2) ur walking in a corridor, and notice ur sworn enemy is heading ur way reading a leaflet. U “accidentally” bump his shoulder.
- turn around, say “sorry” with a devilish smirk. Raise one eyebrow. “Sorry” is good, if u wanna intimidate him. “Sorry” is bad if he busts a cap in ur ass the next day.

3) u forgot to hand in ur assignment which was due yesterday. U hand it in today.
- “Sorry” aint gonna give u back the lost marks. Just leave it on the lecturer’s desk and vanish. Waiting till the lecturer arrives and saying “Sorry” will only provoke them to give a long lecture about discipline. Some might even act like ur not there. “Sorry” is definitely not worth it here.

4) U knocked up ur girlfriend. She’s standing in front of u with a pregnancy test-kit, showing “positive”
- Saying “Sorry” in this case wud the the biggest mistake of ur life. Mayb the last thing u’d ever say before she sticks a knife thru ur heart. The best reply wud be “So….. baby… watchu gonna do?”, said in an innocent tone of a 5-year-old.

5) U said smthg regarding the female menstruation cycle in the parliament, referring to “leakage”
- dude… u gotta apologize SINCERELY to the public and the womenfolk in general and admit ur own short-sightedness. This has got to be THE most important “sorry” in ur lifetime. (political sidetrack… sorry..)

6) Ur girlfriend flew halfway arounf the world to give u a surprise visit on ur birthday, and finds u shagging ur neighbour… On the couch….
ur gf: “Sorry…?? Ur sorry? U lying snivelling son of a bitch. Why, i oughtta stick a knife thru ur sick heart…!!”
you: “urrmm… i was actually not apologising to u. I said sorry to Stacy here, coz i brought her here instead of going to her apartment”
police inspector (the next day): hmmmm…. it seems we have a double homocide here….

so guys and gals, i have showed the perfect day-to-day examples on the usage of the word “sorry”. Mostly, the usage ends up in disaster. So, be careful on using it.

Hope u’ve wasted enough precious time reading this. I’m SORRY. (**devilish smirk**)