How I Used To Write Reports And Assignments

Procrastination. It’s something I do very well. Maybe it was a gift I never really learned to make use of properly. I happen to know many people who can choose to invoke this “power” and achieve wonderous effects. So here I am to share another story from my days being a loafer (i.e. student).

Assignments are the bane of being in a uni or college. Ask any student, he or she will surely say that assignments or papers are the worst part of tertiary studies. I hated assignments. But I loved the presentation session. I can make presentations lasting 30mins without making anyone in the room sleep. Being a debater back in skool turned out to be advantageous. LOL! Newayz, I usually write my assignments a day before submission. If the assignment is supposed to be 5 pages or less, I do it within 2 hours of submission.

And without further ado, I give you a breakdown of my actions while TRYING to write a paper or complete an assignment:

Scenario: Write a 10 page maximum report on any ONE chosen method of rapid software development. Submit tomorrow.

3.00pm - Skip the next class and go back home. Get some Dutch Lady chocolate milk on the way back.

3.30pm - Reach home. Unbuckle pants. Take off shirt. Turn on PC, blast Metallica on speakers. Go take a dump and then a bath. Think about the report to write, then forget bout it.

4.00pm - Since none of the housemates are back yet, change playlist to Britney Spears’s songs. Enjoy a fag on the balcony. Plan on what to write for the report.

4.15pm - Open up some notes. After 10mins of reading, realise its for a different subject. Laziness creeps in. Time for a nap. Maybe later I can write that report….

5.30pm - Time for football. Fuck the report!!!

8.00pm - “Jom minum! Tired la after football…”. Fuck the report… Again!!

8.30pm - Back home. A nice long bath. A nice long fag. Think about the report again. This time, make a promise to self to start the report. As soon as we finish dinner.

10.00pm - Back from dinner. Try to open books and notes, but books are too heavy and notes are non-existent. Switch on the PC. Play some games. Watch porn if roommate is out.

11.00pm - Light panic sets in. Take bike to frens house. Ask to borrow notes. Give them back to him coz writing is hard to read. Stay around to gossip on some chicks.

12.00am - Moderate panic. Switch on PC. Last resort is at hand. The infamous Copy-Paste technique. Hehehehe…. Fag break due already.

12.30am - Ride bike to Kana’s house about 300 metres away. Call up the guys for a drink.

2.00am - Back home. Another fag alone outside the gates. Admire the stars in the sky. Start dreaming

2.15am - Back in front of PC. Editing work on the Copy-Pasted material. Snip here, add there.

3.30am - Evil smirk. Report finished. Sudden realisation that printer is out of ink. Hyper panic. Fag break. Awwww Fuck It! Go to sleep la…. Settle tomorrow la…

9.00am - Fuck! I’m late!

9.30am - Load report onto Flash Drive. Speed off to campus. Petrol level dangerously low.

9.40am - Reach campus on record time. Skip class, rush into computer lab. Find a 5 person queue for the printer.

9.45am - Impatience sets in. Secretly step on printer and PC power supply. Printing job is stopped. People start grumbling and go to the IT Office to complain. With a devilish smirk, switch everything back on and print my own report. Suckers!!!

10.00am - Submit report. Skip next class for fag break. Then a light breakfast. Then go relax in computer lab by playing Yahoo! Pool. Give a satisfied look.