Interview With Abdul RatShit, Erection Commission Chairman

Here’s another looooooooong pending interview that my partner, Kirim Singh Williya (KSW), and I have done just specially for my readers. It has been a while, and we’re back with a bang.

Now, in GoblokLand, the Erection Comission has washed away the indelible ink. That’s another 2million bucks down the drain. Surely, the commission has denied that it is being controlled by the ruling coalition, Barisan Najis. Ahhhh yes, the stink of it is unbearable. KSW and I were granted an exclusive interview with the chairman of the Erection Commission, Tan Sri Abdul RatShit Abdul RatMan, regarding this much publicized issue.

RatShit agreed to meet us in the slums of Kuala Gempur, to avoid unnecessary attention from the infestation of Indonesian men and women who were plaguing the city centre. We were blindfolded with the Barisan Najis flags and were driven to the interview location by one of his henchmen.

Upon reaching the destination, we immediately started the interview.

Me: Urrrmmm… isn’t this Nandos?

KSW: Do I see MacDonald’s there across the street?

Me: Hey… You brought us to Buduraya? Even my grandmother can find her way here. There wasn’t a need for blindfolds.

RatShit: Sshhhhh! Silence! I Kiilllllll Youuuuu!!!! Never reveal this location to anyone!

Me: Wat the fuck? Watchu gonna do? Drown me in Peri-Peri Hot Sauce?!

KSW: **suddenly jumps up, and inject truth serum on RatShit’s neck** - Anda tidak akan dapat berbohong lagi. Si bisu sesat di jalan, si pembohong sesat di lidahnya.

RatShit: Aaaaaaa!!! Sakitttt…. You… you… you…. We not Burma… We not Myanmar… you.. you… you… why you talk to opposition?

Me and KSW: **Blur**

Me: Anyways, my first question is: Why cancel the use of indelible inks to be used in the upcoming election?

RatShit: Coz we realised that we can’t win with the use of those inks. We can’t use phantom voters. Now, with that pesky ink gone, we can use all the Indonesians swarming Kuala Gempur and neighbouring cities and town to vote for us.

Me: WE? Who’s that we? Aren’t you supposed to be impartial to any political group?

RatShit: You see this string coming out of my ass and the other one tied to my 2 inch penis? Hah! These lead straight to the PM’s office. Usually, when’s he’s not asleep, he will be the one calling Mr. Son-In-Law to pull the strings. So, I’m their personal Pinnochio.

Me: What’s the story about the opposition parties going on to mark the fingers of rural folks and shit?

RatShit: Well, wat else can we do? Blaming it on rural folks is much easier than urbanites. The rural folks are much easier to manipulate than urbanites.

Me: Ahem… Why do you think the retirement age for the Erection Commission chairman was increased by another year?

RatShit: Aaahh that… Apparently it takes some time for a new Pinnochio to be made. You know, the stringing process is quite complicated a bit la. Especially the string up my ass. Then it takes more time to train the puppet. And since the election needs to be held before mid April, they decided to keep me for another year while preparing another puppet.

KSW: Inikah muslihat kerajaan kita? Apakah yang akan terjadi kepada nasib rakyat? Mati ayam, mati juga tungaunya. Saya tidak tahu maksud peribahasa ini, tetapi ianya berbunyi hebat. Sekian.

Me: Do you think that the polling process is transparent?

RatShit: Absolutely not. The stupid rakyat ask for a transparent process, so we gave them transparent polling boxes. Hahahahaha.. Idiots. SO easy to pacify them. They still don’t know about the police and army votes. Kekekekekekeke. We just put an X beside all the Barisan Najis candidates on a tonne of papers, stuff them in a gunny sack and bring it down here for a count. Sadly, gunny sacks ain’t transparent.

Me: Do you think the people of Goblok-Land would be easily fooled?

RatShit: We’ve been doing that for 50 years, what’s another 50 years? Hahahahahahaha. The name says it all: Goblok-Land.

Me: I guess that’s all for our interview today. Look, ur penis is twitching. I think the PM’s woken up aledi and calling for u.

RatShit: Yeah, I better go now. Tommorrow we will announce that we’re not gonna use transparent boxes coz the opposition has tampered with the boxes and they now appear in the cylindrical shape, rather than regular cube shape. We have to consult our Federal Constitution on whether will the shape affect the voters ability to cast votes. This is a serious matter.