Inside The Mind of An Ignorant Dumbass

Stupid people annoy me. Ok, maybe not stupid people. Ignorant people. Yep. Ignorant seems more like a proper word for it. Maybe politically correct. What the heck. People who are both stupid AND ignorant annoy the fuck outta me. The ones who are actually proud of their ignoramus and idocracy-ruled brains should have their brains studied by chimpanzees. Let’s take a trip down memory lane shall we?

Most Malaysians go to school at the age of 7 and finish their secondary education at 17. That’s 11 years at a place where you’re supposed to go learn stuff. I dunno what stuff, but.. well… you know, stuff. What amazes me is that a lot of these people don’t remember shit from school. Well, they DO remember their friends, the hot teachers, the senile discipline teachers, and which toilet cubicle had the coolest grafitti. They remember the wimpy prick who always had excuses for not joining in Physical Education. BUT, they don’t remember most of what they learn’t in class.

How can this even come to be?

Remember the show Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, which was ruling the airwaves around 2000-2002? I always harboured hopes of joining the show and winning enuf money to support my tertiary education. Whenever I see those dumb motherfuckers sit on the hot seat and make a fool out of themselves in front of the whole nation, I was wondering: Are they really that ignorant of such simple knowledge? I always knew I could make at least RM 32000. Sadly, the show was off the air just a few months short of my 18th birthday, which was the legal age of participation.

Neways, I wonder what goes on these people’s minds. I mean, what REALLY goes on their minds? I had one theory a while back. Deep within their minds, 2 beings of subconcious existence fight for supremacy, just like inside Bruce Banner’s mind, where the Grey Hulk battles it out with the Green Hulk for mental domination. Only this time, for our Mr. Ignorant Dumbass, the two beings inside his mind are the representations of Lloyd Christmas from Dumb and Dumber, and a nerdy scientist from one of those 50’s sci fi shows. Lloyd Christmas beats up that intelligent part of the mind everytime, and reigns supreme. It was then when I realised that this theory is a complete nonsensical idea, as we all know that no one sane (in Malaysia) wud have a nerdy scientist from a 50’s sci fi show as his intellectual subconcious. And everyone also knows that 50’s sci fi show scientist wear boring white lab coats and only know how to push buttons on a large blinking machines with weird noises.

My next theory is more likely to be true, though I have yet to prove it. So when we ask Mr. Ignorant Dumbass a simple secondary school mathematical question regarding triangles, he starts thinking. Hard. Very hard. Sweat beads form up his brows. And here’s a probable conversation that he has with himself while looking for the answer.

Hmmmm… Triangle. Three angles. Wait a minute! It’s a polygon. Hmmmmm… Polygon. Polly-gone. A lost parrot? Ah wait… that’s quite improbable. Wow.. Improbable. That’s a big word for someone like me. I-M-P-R-O-B-A-B-L-E. Improbable. Nice…. Now let’s spell procrastination, since that’s what I’m doing. P-R-O-C-A-S-T-R-A-T-E. Hmmmm.. that didn’t seem right.

C’mon brain. Let’s see. Now what did my Maths teacher teach me all those years ago? Hahaha.. I remember asking this question to her back in school. She came to my desk, leaned over to teach me. Ahhhh.. That beautiful cleavage. She had one of the best pair of boobies in school. I wonder is she married now. Droooooool.

Snap outta it man! How do I find the value of x? Lemme see here.

It’s hopeless.