This Guy Doesn’t Know Computers At All

When you’re working as a Programmer cum Computer Technician in a large organization, you are bound to meet plenty of idiots and assholes around. I too had the enormous privilege of dealing with such people.

IT illiteracy is something very common today. At most, a person should at least be knowledgable in how to write a document in Microsoft Word, print the said document. Most people know how connect to the Internet, and use the Internet to either search for information, update the Friendster and/or Facebook, and surf the occasion porn site once in a while. So, sometimes, it bewilders you to an extent that you can’t even comprehend the idiocracy and ignoramus attitudes of some people when concerning a computer.

There was this new Department Manager hired in my place, and he prided himself in managing everyone is a very efficient and effective way. Let’s call him DM. I won’t say what department is DM heading, but let’s just say it’s a quite important department in my line of work. Though this department doesn’t need much use of the computer to run things, a computer beside you is never a bad thing. Especially when ur a manager.

When DM came in, his office was a modest one. On his first day, he managed to make himself the butt of everyone’s joke.

DM: (walking into his office for the 1st time) What’s that box doing over there?
Assistant Manager: Errrrr.. That’s the CPU.
DM: I don’t want any of such nonsensical stuff here. Remove the CPU. I just need a computer. Don’t need that box!
Assistant Manager: Errrrr.. Sir, that IS the computer.
DM: Then why are you calling it a CPU?! Don’t try to play smart with me.
Assistant Manager: (Mouth open wide)

I swear guys, when the As. Manager told me this (and subsequently the whole staff), we were laughing our asses off. Here is this guy, who orders everyone around with full authority, and he doesn’t even recognize a computer when it’s in front of him! I ain’t lying!

The next day, the phone rang.

DM: I can’t print. The printer you gave me is faulty!
Me: I personally checked on the printer yesterday. It’s fine, sir.
DM: Come check on it. I need to use it now.

So I went to his office.

DM: Look! When I click on print here, it’s not printing.
Me: That’s coz the printer is connected to Ms. Y’s PC over there. And we haven’t networked that PC yet. We ran out of cables.
DM: Ya I understand. But I want to print now.
Me: Why dont you use a pendrive to transfer the files over there and print from that PC?
DM: Pendrive?
Me: Errr.. A thumbdrive? Flash drive perhaps?
DM: Don’t gimme nonsence. I just wanna print.
Me: (Clutching heart, wanting to faint)

Our janitor has a pendrive. He periodically asks me to download some songs and transfer them to his thumbdrive so that he may copy them to his home PC. I know I might speak techie talk sometimes, but this shit is just too much.

The last straw came last week. Internet was down. After going through some stuff, we found out that Streamyx was down, as all the routers and switches were working fine. The telephone rang again.

DM: I don’t have Internet.
Me: Streamyx is down.
DM: Can you come see me now?
Me: All right… (groaaaannnnn)

(At his office)

DM: I can’t use the Internet.
Me: I know sir. Streamyx is down. We don’t have a connection.
DM: I don’t want Streamyx or whatever. I just want Yahoo and Google. Why can’t I access Yahoo and Google?!

Sigh… Don’t you just feel like you wanna throw a brick on his head?

PS: He’s not MY Dept Manager. My Manager is a cool dude. This guys heads another dept.